;-)

A guy called in last night, and asked if I had any weekend plans that , "Are so private you would only include the details in a personal blog."

If you:
1. Listen regularly.
2. Know me.

You can appreciate how silly this question was/is...

Privacy isn't my bag baby...

Minus the social security number and mailing address, my life exists for your amusement.
Radio doesn't work for me unless it's real...
So yes...
I REALLY have 11 cavities. I REALLY like poker. I REALLY REALLY dig The Donnas.

I'll be at Scary Acres tonight from 9-11pm.
Feel free to stalk me...

XOXOXO,
Heather

No Rehab For Heather

One of my friends told me that if you could keep a plant alive, you could take care of yourself...

This wisdom, as most does, comes from a movie about drug addicts...

Apparently, It's true.

Here's the plant:

Do The Accessories Come With The Bed?

I walked into Pier 1 today, and saw this:
















If you're "OOOH-ing..." and "Awe-ing..."

Stop.

This situation sucks for so many reasons...
1. In a couple months, when Pier 1 has a "Super Red Tag Sale," some poor person will actually pay for drool infused items.
2. This kid's Mom is not within eye-shot. Someone could hurt him/her and totally get away with it.
3. I am suddenly so concerned about reasons 1 & 2, that I cannot focus on shopping.

This situation could however, be worse:
1. The kid could be screaming.
2. Projectile vomit could be flying from this kid's mouth into an innocent bystander's [my] hair.
3. This kid could be mine.

Luckily, I was able to walk away from the entire situation.

So dear friend, if you are:
1. Interested in buying stuff from Pier 1...watch out for drool.
2. A novice kidnapper...go to Pier 1.
3. Looking for a babysitter...don't call me.

Automatic Toilet Seat

Because men are missing the "Toilet closing gene," here's a link to the automatic toilet seat...














http://www.faucetdirect.com/index.cfm?page=product:display&productID=MS990CG&manufacturer=Toto&finish=Bone&CS_010=184614&CS_003=714917&source=shopping

P.s. Make THEM pony up the money for it!

It's better than Crack

I haven't blogged in a while. That either means:
A. My life has been so super exciting I haven't had time...
B. Nothing worth mentioning has occurred...
C. I have been crushing on Yellowcard's new album too hard to focus on anything else...

Yeah...

If you answered C; you get a cookie.*

Plus...

I'm addicted to Youtube.
Yes, my friends, the day has come...
I could watch wacky pet clips all day...







* No actual cookie**
**Cookies may cause cavities***
***See blog below

So...You're wrong AND illiterate...cool

According to Maxim, the 5 "Unsexiest" women alive are:

5. Britney Spears
4. Madonna
3. Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy)
2. Amy Winehouse
1. Sarah Jessica Parker

Britney Spears is less heinous than Sarah Jessica Parker?!?
I wish this was a joke...
I would like to think the opinions expressed in Maxim do not reflect the opinions of the gender as a whole...

http://www.maximonline.com/Entertainment/Thefiveunsexiestwomenalive/slideshow/435.aspx

P.s. "Unsexiest," is not a word.

Scott Anderson's side project should be called "Enamel 11."

This message of hatred is for my mouth:
















I have 11 cavities.

Yes my friends...That's "1" with another "1" in front of it.

To the naked eye, my teeth do not appear injured; nor do they hurt.

However, the kind man with the drill claims to see the enamel eating interlopers...

Therefore, while you get lost in mountains of turkey and stuffing...I will be embarking on a Novocaine extravaganza.

Hoo-Rah

The Pink Pony

Commandment number 10 is the least important...right?




















I promised myself that I wouldn't buy a new car until I turn 30.
(However, I will only be claiming 29. So as far as YOU know, it will be my 29th birthday present to myself. )

Needless to say, I'm not there yet.

I am currently breaking commandment number 10...Yes...RIGHT NOW.












The limited edition 2008 Mustang with the Warriors in Pink package does benefit Susan G. Komen for the Cure.
But let's be real...
The car is cute.
http://www.fordvehicles.com/warriorsinpink/index.asp

I'm always thinking of you.


Yes...you...


I normally would not approach strange men decked out in Motley Crue gear, brandishing my camera phone, and beg them for a picture...


OK...You're right...I would...





























As I continued my journey through the looking glass, I happened upon this:















Then I was hoping for this:

But alas, no Britney Spears...real or impersonated...