Grrrrr...Cont.

While the western world was wrestling with whether or not Hannah Montana should wear clothes...

I was busy loosing my religion...

I'm sure REM and every other iconic band betrayed by Rolling Stone was feeling the same...

I almost cried when I saw the peroxide explosion of MTV's leftovers vomitously* spewn across the cover of RS.

(Okay...I'm exaggerating...but seriously...WTF?!!)

I recognize the significance of reality TV, and have certainly been compelled to send my mind on a 50 minute vacation...

Congealing
into
a
gelatinous
lump
that
would
make
a
couch
potato
look
like
a
fitness
model....

But...

When I feel like I'm dangerously close to drowning in the collagen implants and silicone enhancements...I can pick up a RS, and cleanse myself of all parasitic tendencies...

Shame on you Rolling Stone...

For exalting what we all know is crap...



*This is not a word...Yet, it suits my purposes...

If Only Bill Cosby Hadn't Started Rapping...

This doesn't bother me:

This, however, makes me ill:

I'm too frustrated

to

t

y

p

e

.

.

.

More later...

My Appedendix Is As Useless As A Tractor In The Living Room...

I'm not sure about the existence of Santa Claus...

Unicorns are a great idea, but unlikely...

Completely monogamous relationships are impossible; pending a universal handbook outlining the exact definition of cheating...

The "Make It Pretty Gene," however, exists.

I know...

I have one...

I think it's somewhere inside my uterus.

Not because I'm a chick...

Many guys also have the, "Make It Pretty Gene."

But...

If my uterus does NOT contain my, "Make It Pretty Gene," then my uterus is as useful as my appendix...

For example:

Amidst a cyclone of other activities, I engage myself in art projects.

Most of these require very little artistic ability.

Many are designed to help disguise something necessary but unappealing...

Weekend projects:

The Thermostat Is Ugly.

The desire to put something pretty over this blemish on my wall has been haunting me for at least 10 months...

So...

I got a shadow box and slapped some cool stuff on it:

I've also been annoyed with an off-center lighting fixture on my wall...

(The "Before," picture is too heinous to post.)

The cover-up is achieved with a couple of random grates, an old mirror and a Spill Canvas poster:

Someday, my "Make It Pretty Gene" will prevail and my apt. will be perfect.

Until then...

I have paint, sandpaper, metallic glaze, gold-leaf, adhesive of all types, hooks, nails, anchors, various tools to install the hooks & nails & anchors, and an orange cat to assist in my mission.

Gavin Degraw

Gavin Degraw isn't the hottest or buff-est or sexiest artist I have ever met...But...He is the most attractive.

If you were at Muldoon's last night...you already knew that.

If you weren't there or you're not into guys...allow me to explain...

Gavin Degraw will give you the, "Flirty Eyes."

I'm sure every swooning victim, suffering from Flirty Eye-ed Syndrome, would like to believe the "Flirty-Eye-Love-You" laser was aimed only at them...

It wasn't...

Gavin gave equal portions of interest and attention to each of his fans...

If you were there...you're nodding your head...

As I type this, I'm smiling to myself...

It was a good night ;-)

The Fiance'e Formerly Known As Friend

Between April and October, I feel like I have a second job:

"Professional Wedding Guest..."

Don't be fooled friends, it's not all champagne toasts and garter Olympics...

To truly be a Professional Wedding Guest, you must accept the following:

1. You may have to sacrifice all 14 days of yearly vacation in order to maintain EOA (Equal Opportunity Attendance.)

2. You must constantly tell yourself, "Walk away from the shoes...You need that hundred bucks in your pocket as a wedding gift for the new Mr. and Mrs. Shoe-Budget-Blaster-Hoof it in last year's model-Stein..."

3. You absolutely have to be prepared to answer questions about your own relationship...or lack of one.

For example:

When someone asks, "So when is this going to be you two?!"

You look at your date contemptuously while channelling the wrath of Lorena Bobbit and say, "Ask Him."

You''ll find this puts an end to the Q&A session.

After/During the reception:

You must study up on the latest trends. If Bride-Zilla has turned into Wife-Zilla because her wedding wasn't the fairytale-princess-romp she envisioned...You, as the Professional Wedding Guest, must point her toward post-wedding-activities that will distract her from Post-Wedding-Depression.

1. Suggest personalized stamps for her thank-you-cards, featuring a wedding or Honeymoon photo.

http://www.photostamp.com/

2. Suggest she, "Trash The Dress." (A photo or video shoot centered around dress demolition.)

Think of this as Methadone. Your friend is addicted to planning. She can again select a photographer, location, date, time, and theme in which to destroy her gown. Symbolically it also marks THE END.

Tax

Things I could NOT deduct for 2007:

My plan for 2008:

What I may be doing before 6pm...

A wise person once said, "You can pick your friends. You can pick your nose. You cannot pick your friend's nose."

However...

If you have some bullet-proof, studio glass handy...it's safe:

Tax Day 2008

Once upon a time...

When I wasn't in radio...

I was working for "The Man..."

"The Man," had a file cabinet in our office:

Don't worry friends...

The benefit drawer is now brimming...

Q98.5 rocks and all that jazz...

In fact, if you scroll down to my 12-14-07 entry, you'll notice a work related expense I will attempt to deduct.

Here's a clue:

In love with a Barista ;-)

There are serious benefits to paying $4.85 for an Iced Quad Venti Non-fat Latte:

*It says,

"Heather like a feather."