I'm so glad other people are amusing...So I don't have to be...

Hello Friends...


As a career non-breeder, I found this picture extremely amusing:















The Uterus Coozy/Soft-cuddly Uterus Doll
LOL!!! It's perfect for a lifetime of cold and lonely uterine nights...

Tangerine Is The New Orange...

Earnest is having an identity crisis...

I've been providing him with various props to aid him in his quest to discover his individuality...

This week...

I picked up some artificial ferns...

After careful inspection...

Earnest proclaimed, "I shall no longer be burdened with the label, 'Domestic Engineer of the Feline Persuasion.' From this moment forward only address me as...

a Lion-Identified House-Cat..."

I said, "But Earnest, you told me 'House-Cat' was demeaning!"

Earnest Roared, "I have evolved, my pet..."

Trod Envy

I stood on the edge of my backyard. It was summer, and my neighbors were jumping through their sprinkler in the most stylish short-red-swim trunks 1984 had to offer...

I'd spent every other July afternoon ignoring the water balloon fights, the Atari games, and the GI Joe battle-invitations from the boys on my cul-de-sac...

But today was different...

I looked down at my OshKosh B'Gosh bottoms...and realized there was a reason I didn't own any short-red-swim trunks...

I'd never been so excited about something and so utterly disgusted at the same moment...

I left that emotional cocktail within the chain link fence of my 1/2 acre New Jersey backyard, wholly believing I would never again experience the complexity that combined fear and intrigue solicits...

........................................................

Although...


Today, through my 2 inch heels, I could almost feel the perfectly manicured lawn from my childhood between my toes.

Friends,

Have you heard of the Fish-pedicure?
















Yes...

It's real...

"Doctor Fish," eat away any evidence of stiletto-inflicted callouses...Leaving you with a surface so smooth that 8 year olds will see you and experience Trod-Envy.*

I am excited and grossed out...

I want to immerse myself in fish...

And until then...

I will count the days until I can proudly proclaim, "I laughed, I cried, I brought the skin-sampler-platter for fish pot-luck."

*Yes...
I manipulated the English language again to suit my whims...
"Trod Envy," When one experiences jealously evoked by another's feet, stride, or any condition pertaining to the metatarsal region.

*CONTEST*

Hello Friends,

Welcome to the Bat Blog ;-)

From 6pm to 9pm tonight you have one more chance to score a pair of tickets to the midnight showing of "Batman The Dark Night."

Show me your devotion to Batman, Q98.5, or both!

Take a picture, or a series of pictures, demonstrating your extreme desire to see the movie!

Whether you sport a costume, dress up your pets, make a sign, snap pictures of your collectibles, paint your face...

I want to see it!

I'll post the pictures here when I receive them!

Then, at the stroke of nine, I'll choose who I think is the most fanatic and reward them with tickets!

Easy?

Fun?

YES!!!

So...

Start snapping...

And check back frequently to see what your competition is up to!

Heather@q985fm.com

Don't forget to include:

1. Your first name.
2. Your phone number.
3. Your photo/photos!

Good luck!

*Keep them clean! I can't post anything offensive!



ENTRIES:


1.














2.


















3.
















4.

5.
















6.

I'm sending some Fall Out Boy to out to you...MSN

Dear MSN,

Occasionally you have an interesting article or statistic on your front page...

Sometimes I'll mention said article or statistic on the air...

Fine.

Great.

Thanks for the memories MSN...

M-S-N if you're out there...I can't see your face...But you left a trace on a data back road I'm about to ERASE...

If you're wondering why I've gone POE-stal on you MSN...

I am simply reacting to your article, "10 ARTISTS WHO SHOULD STOP MAKING RECORDS..."

Is this a joke?

If so, perhaps your next article should be, "10 Van Gogh Paintings We Wouldn't Even Hang In Our Basement."

Or Maybe, "10 Books Of The Bible That Wouldn't Even Make Oprah's Club."

What about, "10 Dog Years Too Many: A Tale Of Our Family Pet Who Outlived Grandma."

A sequel to, "10 Reindeer Would Have Been Overkill...Santa Got The Job Done With 9."

Sound blasphemous/distasteful?

Of course it does...

Music is my religion and I'm deeply offended.

Shame on you MSN...

http://music.msn.com/music/photos/enough-already/?GT1=28102

Thanks Jeff!

Occasionally, I suffer from "Blogger's Fatigue."

I'm sure our friends at Webster will eventually include this condition in their book of words.

Blogger's Fatigue

Pronunciation:

ˈblägg-er\ \fə-ˈtēg\

Function:

noun

Etymology:
Short for Lazy-Heather.

1: Weariness or exhaustion from writing that is induced in a sensory receptor or motor end organ by continued stimulation. Of, or pertaining to, a Q98.5 DJ whose creativity is hindered by her lame cell-phone which has boycotted all picture function.

Friends...

Don't be alarmed...

This condition, however severe or debilitating, has been rectified...

I have been revitalized by an email I received tonight:

Hi Heather--
After reading through your blogs, I'm jealous that I don't have anything witty or interesting going on in my life, not even snacks shaped like choking hazards. But of course, when I run across anything interesting, I'll keep sending it to you for your amusement.So, keep smiling and the rest of us will smile back at the sound of your voice.--Jeff

"Untitled." What? Bands Get Away With Being Lazy...

Hello friends,

Friday night...

While trees were falling...

and cable was failing...

and power lines flailed across debris covered streets...















The darkness was interrupted at the strike of 10...

















Nate Stone's "Thick & Thin," was in your ear...

www.myspace.com/natestonemusic