Dear Mr. Webster...Please add "Purgatorious" to your book of words...

I have often asserted that my life exists for you.

Yes, you...

I am as real as reality T.V. and as close as a dial on your radio...

I am at your service musically 25 hours per week...A mere seven digits and a dial tone away...

I am omnipresent online and nothing is off-limits...

This blog represents a moment in time...

I'm currently coasting through the purgatorious portion of my day...It's late...I'm off the air...It's technically Friday morning...For me it's still Thursday night...

My ex-boyfriend googled me...sent me an email (Which I posted for you below) and Liz Phair is providing the soundtrack for the remainder of my waking hours...


"Safe on the interstate
New York is three thousand miles away
And I'm not looking forward to following through
But it's better than always running back into you
I've closed my eyes and my bank account
And gone west, young man
Take off the parking brake
Go coasting into a different state
And I'm not looking forward to missing you
But I must have something better to do..."
LIZ PHAIR


Hey,
Not sure if I have emailed you before/recently, I may have while drunk. If so, and this is redundant, sorry. Just wanted to write and see how you were doing. It's been awhile, we did not part on good terms at all (a road entirely of my own paving, I know), and I guess I am curious about how you are doing. I've been in NYC three years now doing nothing overly interesting, just the usual. Freeland writing, more graduate school (in biology this time). Working half-heartedly on a novel. I googled you, so I thought I would drop you a line. I wouldn't blame you for thiking I am an awful person, or for not thinking anything of me at all. To be honest I havn't really cared what anyone thinks of me for most of my life. However, we were friends at one time, and you were one of the only people I have ever known that presented me with any kind of an intellectual challenge, so I guess I am just curious about how you are doing...and, I miss you in some way, just in general I guess...trying to think of anything else interesting about me...nothing comes to mind. Starting a doctorate next year, probably at Emory, so it's back to Atlanta for me. Although I applied to Cambridge, but I seriously doubt I have any chance of getting in. Sorry to ramble, and I am sorry for how I treated you. Write me back if you want, and let me know how you are doing...looks as though things are good for you and I am very glad!
Best,
A***

Rainbows and Kittens...

I spent most of yesterday sleeping off my travel hangover...

I woke up around 7pm because Earnest jumped on my face...

I guess somewhere in the, "How To Be An Orange Cat Handbook," there is a chapter on severe weather.

In case of storm:

Jump on Heather's face...Meow until she wakes up...Demand a treat...

If she does not comply:

Cite "Lassie Vs. Timmy..."

Argue that she could have been trapped in a well for days without your help.

I was happy to be awake when I saw this:

I didn't notice a size difference...

I mistakenly put Earnest in charge of this blog.

Allow me to tell you something about Earnest...

Earnest is what we'll call a "Freeloader."

He has little respect for the value of a dollar.

He doesn't understand the words, "Work" or "Responsibility."

Earnest spent the past 72 hours lapping Perrier in the lap of luxury:

Guess who will be forced choke down tap water for the next 72 hours...

Anyway...

Austin rocked.

I spent an evening watching a couple friends say, "I do..." then chased the joy with some live jazz on 6th street.

Headed to Austin...

Leaving on a jet plane...

Earnest is in charge until Monday...

So...I Spoke At Career Day...

Although heralded as the "Friends-To-Phone," when confronted with state capital quandaries and inquiries involving the inedible type of pie... The intellectual wizards of the 5th grade are still little kids...
I'd forgotten that the 4ft. tall members of society see the world through a spaghetti-O tainted kaleidoscope...

Little kids have interesting, "Kid-type," questions.

Such as:
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
"Do you want to buy your own radio station one day?"
"Have you met Sol-ja-boi?"

Friends...

I have to admit...

The following events were occurring, in no particular order, the last time I had more than an hour of interaction with an under 18-er:

1. Sofia's goldenly girly voice was intro-ing stories with, "Picture it..."
2. I was striking a pose on each and every Cadillac...with pride. That is the Bangles way.
3. I was wearing 2 pairs of socks...different colors...slouched...with a coordinating, over-sized, cuffed t-shirt and stirrup pants...


It was the 80's...and I was a kid too.


But...


Career Day 2008 was fun...

Not because I know how to inspire the next generation with stories of risk & reward or hard work & dedication...

Because...

I used to be a kid too...

You Know You Want To...

Come on...

Jump on the bandwagon with me.

It's a magical place, replete with 10 tracks of ear-candy.

And yes...

That is a "Q," on my fingernail.

1998 Lives On...

The countdown is on!

Sex and The City...

May 30th...

17 more days...

As promo shots are being released and excitement begins to climax...

I'm happy to say that through the power of airbrushing and flattering camera angles...

It will be 1998...

FOREVER ;-)

Yes my friends,

All 8 pictures were shot recently.................................

The ones one the right are air-brushed...

God Bless America...

If you'd stepped into my mind WITHOUT a road-map...

I thought about deleting the incoherent mess-of-a-blog below...

However, I decided to let it remain.

For 48 hours my mind had the consistency of a scrambled egg drenched in Tabasco sauce. My car was broken and I'm convinced the reasoning portion of my brain was locked in the glove-box.
For 2 days I couldn't locate the answers to the most pedestrian of questions...

Carl (The car whisperer at the BP service station): "What's your phone number?"

Heather: "Um...404...no wait...402...that's Omaha right? (Nervous laughter) I'm sorry...402...68102...wait..."

I am now back to my normal level of dysfunction...

Rock on...

;-)

I Have 10,000 Spoons...

And yes, my friends, all I need is a knife.

Despite the no-smoking sign...

My car took a break...

It's like rain...

A bad radiator hose day...


If you haven't heard, my car is broken.

&

The word of the day is:

Irony.

But...

You knew that already. You're hip to the Alanis-speak.

It's too bad "Cute," isn't spelled with a "Q."

Football season is drawing near and I anticipate the explosion of red into my daily landscape.

As game days approach, all varieties of designer garb will be sentenced to live in the darkness of closets across our Husker nation. The Coach bag will be on hiatus, as the elite proudly sport their Husker handbags...

Much like Husker fans, I enjoy sporting logo.

I recently acquired this:

Yes my friends, I am all Q...All the time ;-)

Even Earnest enjoys showing his dedication to his favorite station:

I Blame Technology..

I blame technology for the high divorce rate...
In 2008, it's really easy to maintain an extra-curricular relationship.

Think about it...

1. Cell phones and text:

Before the advent of mobile communication, landlines could be monitored. Husbands/wives were forced to communicate with mistresses/pool boys via home or office lines...Which was highly inconvenient.

2. Myspace and Facebook:

Ex-lovers send each other friend requests in a lame attempt to be friends. It doesn't take a viewing of When Harry Met Sally to know this is an impossibility.

3. Email:

Discreet. Ubiquitous. Delete-able...

4. Pornography:

Everything you think you desire/Everything your partner is lacking...Just a click away...

5. Dating sites:

Displaying alternatives 24/7. When "For sicker/For poorer/For Fatter" occurs, IMHOT4MARRIEDMEN is ready to pounce.

6. Blogs

To Be Continued...