"Professional Wedding Guest..."
Don't be fooled friends, it's not all champagne toasts and garter Olympics...
To truly be a Professional Wedding Guest, you must accept the following:
1. You may have to sacrifice all 14 days of yearly vacation in order to maintain EOA (Equal Opportunity Attendance.)
2. You must constantly tell yourself, "Walk away from the shoes...You need that hundred bucks in your pocket as a wedding gift for the new Mr. and Mrs. Shoe-Budget-Blaster-Hoof it in last year's model-Stein..."
3. You absolutely have to be prepared to answer questions about your own relationship...or lack of one.
For example:
When someone asks, "So when is this going to be you two?!"
You look at your date contemptuously while channelling the wrath of Lorena Bobbit and say, "Ask Him."
You''ll find this puts an end to the Q&A session.
After/During the reception:
You must study up on the latest trends. If Bride-Zilla has turned into Wife-Zilla because her wedding wasn't the fairytale-princess-romp she envisioned...You, as the Professional Wedding Guest, must point her toward post-wedding-activities that will distract her from Post-Wedding-Depression.
1. Suggest personalized stamps for her thank-you-cards, featuring a wedding or Honeymoon photo.
2. Suggest she, "Trash The Dress." (A photo or video shoot centered around dress demolition.)
Think of this as Methadone. Your friend is addicted to planning. She can again select a photographer, location, date, time, and theme in which to destroy her gown. Symbolically it also marks THE END.
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