I'd Call Myself A Soccer Mom, But Earnest Doesn't Have Soccer Balls...or any for that matter...

Considering I don't have any ABC-knowledge-deficient individuals in my life, my opinions on anything kid-related are irrelevant.

But...

For all intents and purposes, Earnest is my child. I do have some sort of maternal (or cat-eranl) instinct.

For example...If Earnest took his clothes off and posed for Vanity Fair, I would be a little peeved...




















Although, I would allow him to express himself in a pair of soft, stiletto booties:

















The second I saw the adds for "Heelarious" booties for 0-6month olds, I smiled...

I said to myself, "Self...you no longer have to shop for baby shower gifts. You no longer have to wade in the sea of pregnant shoppers to select a fetus present. Point, click, and charge your way into a hip gift!"

But...

Then I mentioned the "Hip Gift," on the air...

The phone lines lit up...

Each green blinking light was an explosion of estrogen infused "Mommy Anger," labeled with an "H."

The "H" meant it was aimed at "Heather," and the bomb exploded through the studio speakers.

Team-Mommy spokes-women from across the land vocalized their outrage for another adult-themed product being marketed to kids.

So...

If you, like me, smiled when you saw the pink pair of soft-stiletto-booties pictured above...

Stifle your excitement for a moment...and consider whether or not the mommy-to-be you have in mind is packing.