If Orange juice straws were the grail...Vern Troyer would be holy

I feel like the person who feeds the ducks in the park, and tells the same story at the same time on the same bench every day...

"Back when I was in school, I used to walk 30 miles through 75 foot snow drifts..."

"Back in my day, when a head of lettuce cost 10 cents..."

"When I was a kid..."

Yadda

Yadda

Yadda

But seriously...

When I was in elementary school, we used to get cartons of milk for lunch. 25 cents for a mini carton of chocolate or vanilla. I remember peeling one edge apart, pushing the corners down, and squeezing my thumbs together to reveal a perfectly shaped drinking spout. The mini milk carton...sublime in it's simplicity.

Fast forward to 2009...

Orange juice is now available in a mini carton...Same shape...Same design...Engineered perfectly...

However...2009's mini orange juice carton comes with a mini orange juice straw.

I suddenly feel conflicted.

Aren't we supposed to be "Green," in 2009?

Aren't we above shoving mini orange juice straws from mini orange juice cartons into landfills?

Why does the original mini carton need an accessory?

I posed the previous questions to Polychonopolis, who is wise.

He told me that short people who don't know the alphabet might spill the mini orange juice onto themselves if not for the mini orange juice straw.

That explanation made sense at the time...

Yet...

"When I was a kid..." My contemporaries and I never spilled milk from the mini milk cartons on ourselves.

So the problem still exists.

Even Earnest finds the situation perplexing...And HE is an expert on all things orange.